5 posts tagged “sick”

I know I have a lot to do that I won't be able to get to today. I have an email I need to reply to but I've been feeling ill all day. I've spent a majority of my day doubled over. I don't have time to feel like this. I hope it's only something I ate. So, to K, I will reply to your email. I promise. It'd be best to do so when I'm not making runs to the ladies room in fear of emptying my stomach, however.

To everyone else who is waiting for me. I'm sorry but I can't sit here long enough to get much done. If I get the laptop back, that will make life a little easier and I can network from the living room.

Anathema

I know I should have written quite a while ago. I know. I know. To be honest, I've just felt too antsy to just sit here and type. There's been a lot going on and it's been a packed week. I'll try to go day by day.

Monday. Went to the emergency room at the Los Alamos hospital. I was having massive breathing problems. Couldn't take a normal breath without coughing. It was only getting worse. So. Checked in at seven forty that morning. They got me in immediately. I went through a battery of tests and other crap.

At first I was given a breath test. It was low, so they listened to my breathing. Then they took E.K.G. reading. This happened twice because the doctor thought the first reading was a mistake. It was not. The nurse came in and gave me Tylenol 3 with codeine when that was over. I was then given a nebulizer to help me breath. That was a strange sensation and made me feel cold all over.  When it was done, they gave me another breath test. This one was scary-low. My heart rate was still high so after they gave me some chest xrays (while still on the hospital bed), they put on a monitoring machine so they could watch my heart rate. It was hitting the triple digits - 121 at it's top - so I was made to just lay there and even sleep if I needed to. The doctor came in and was still worried about my heart so she said that we would get a CAT scan done if they couldn't figure out why it was so high. But first they would take blood to see if that was really even needed. After what seemed like forever, they came back and said my blood was okay. This made me feel a little better as I'd been panicking. I know it's irrational but I always freak out about blood tests since the rape. They let me rest and when my heart rate back into the nineties, they let me go. Just so you know, my heart right is normally in the high fifties. I was diagnosed with bronchitis but was told that since I caught the signs early, I wouldn't have a problem. I got a prescription for Tylenol 3 with codeine, an albuterol inhaler and a three day treatment of antibiotics. It was eleven ten. Went home and slept through most the day, outside of my phone calls with Free.

Tuesday. Did not go to work. Stayed home. Used inhaler on two different occasions when I found that I could not breath. Went batty just sitting in the house. Fed Bear. Played games. Called in to work to let Harold know what was going on. He was an ass and demanded that I bring in a note from my doctor saying I was healthy when I came back on Thursday. Upon telling him that I had gone to the ER and getting a note would be impossible he said that I still had to get one and promptly hung up. Bastard. Stayed up late talking to Free as Tuesday nights are our 'date' nights.

Wednesday. That was my normal day off. Continued to stick around the house. Didn't go to rehearsal as I didn't want to get anyone ill and really wasn't feeling up to it anyway. Woke with a screaming, stomach churning headache. This went away in time but only in the late afternoon. Went to Santa Fe with Papa in the early evening to get new cell phones for the both of us. Much to my chagrin we did a two for one deal. I may go back for the phone I want later. At the moment it is an LG VX8300. It's okay but I'm not a fan of LG. He went to class while I finished the deal. We also picked up blue tooth headsets for each of us. I went to Starbucks to wait for him and in the process, my head started to throb again. On the way home it was so bad that we had to pull over because I felt as though I would throw up. I'd never had a migraine so bad in my life.

Thursday. Went to work. Didn't feel as good as I should have. It was an uneventful day all in all. Harold never said a thing to me about the doctors. It's just as well, he had no grounds to be such a shit about it on Tuesday and I think he knew it.

Friday. Work. Yes, isn't my life exciting? Still didn't feel good. Molly almost had something thrown at her by me. I stated that I liked the cold and she said "Well, I didn't mind the cold either when I was overweight." Bitch. Overweight, my ass. I'm still in better shape than her. Ggggrrrrr. Had a performance so I went straight from work to the theater. Had a problem backstage. Used the inhaler because I like to breath. Big mistake, my heart rate started to soar. After the performance, Manny grabbed my arm, walked me off stage and straight to my father. He insisted I go home and rest. I did just that outside of a brief phone call in the early am from Free.

Saturday. Felt a little better. Went to work. Wanted to beat the ever-loving shit out of Molly for her rude comments. Explained situation to both Yuri and Yvette later. Went to the theater. Backstage I was introduced to Evie's son. Oh. My. Gods. The man is gorgeous! Just because of that, I almost stayed for the after-party. I couldn't stay. Damn. Oh well. The performance went well outside of a couple minor glitches. Went home and called it a night.

Sunday. Slept in. Tried to anyway. My father came in, woke me up and announced that Bear wasn't eating, wasn't walking well and we could assume that she wouldn't last. Great. What a way to wake up. Needless to say, I spent most of my day crying. Even thinking about this is making my eyes water. I've made a decision though: Bear will be going in this week. Papa will be taking care of the details because I know I cannot. But I cannot allow her to continue suffering. Thankfully I am talking to Free while I'm typing so it's really helping me. I went to Blockbuster and picked up a few movies - Aeon Flux, Superman Returns & Man of the Year.  Also went to Wal-hell. Ick.

So... I'm going to go curl up in bed and continue talking to Free. My stomach is churning but that's to be expected, though Free is really helping me feel better by taking my mind off of the Bear issue. Goodnight kids!

Anathema

So much I want to say but I'm pretty damn sick right now. I will fill you all in on the trip after I get the sleep I sorely need. But some quick notes. I'm going to start with the good stuff.

I had a wonderful time with Free. It went better than I could have ever imagined it going. I'm still processing the results of it all so I will be giving myself the weekend to get better and too chew everything over.

I had a screaming ear ache. It was so bad I went to Espanola ER around two in the morning Friday. Part of me wants to write about that because not only was it bloody scary but I had an epiphany of sorts while curled on my side, crying from the stuff they put into my ear.

Went to the docs today. I have strep. Again. The medicine they gave me in the ER, however good the experience, had been making me throw up all morning. It was embarrassing like nothing else. There are two things I hate to do in public, be ill and cry. In the past couple days I've managed to do both. Thankfully most of the tears were related to the trip... in a good way!

My voice is pretty much gone. I can't keep myself as hydrated as I want and since it hurts to talk, I'm just not going to. Which is horrid because that means I can't talk to Free. Mrph.

I've got lots of emails to catch up to. One of which is from Quin. If you're reading this, I will email you. There's a lot you need to know. And I need to stop being so afraid.

Goodnight/morning kids!
Anathema

Before I leave I should post this because it made me giggle... well.. internally. It was from the first, the day I left Texas:

"SCORPIO (Oct 23 - Nov 22): You may be receiving recognition for a job well done, but you are so wrapped up in your emotional world that you may not realize how much others value you. You are a tough sell with respect to self-worth, and now you are questioning yourself in ways that reach toward the bottom of your soul. Don't climb so deep into your own well that you cannot see the light that shines from above." Do I see that light? I think, for once, that I do. And I've been smiling so much from the vision that my jaws ache.

(x-posted)

Feeling sick. Outright shitty really. I may or may not go to work tomorrow depending upon how I feel. My ribcage and my upper back hurt, two things that are never sore. I'm not even going to mention my lower back and my head. Mrph. Work was hell. I'd write more but I'm going to bed, or at least I'm going to curl up with some heat, blankets, pillows and my vibrating chair massager. G'night kids.

Anathema

This shall be brief. I am tired beyond belief. I've felt nauseous all night, starting from the drive home. My head has been spinning. My father tells me that it's because I've been running in circles without a break for well over a week now. I'd like nothing more than to go to bed yet I cannot. I have the shift the clothes in the washer into the dryer. So much has been on my mind. Every little thing is telling me that I should email him. Quin, that is. While digging through the paperwork I rescued from the wreckage I found a piece of paper that carried a poem. I had printed it out and meant to send it to Quin years ago. Yet I never did. It's a piece by Elizabeth Barrett Browning; Sonnet XLIII.

How do I love thee? Let me count the ways.
I love thee to the depth and breadth and height
My soul can reach, when feeling out of sight
For the ends of Being and ideal Grace.
I love thee to the level of everyday's
Most quiet need, by sun and candle-light.
I love thee freely, as men strive for Right;
I love thee purely, as they turn from Praise.
I love thee with the passion put to use
In my old griefs, and with my childhood's faith.
I love thee with a love I seemed to lose
With my lost saints, -I love thee with the breath,
Smiles, tears, of all my life! - and, if God choose,
I shall but love thee better after death.

I put it in my wallet.

While going through the car I also found the love spoon he had sent me so many years ago. It's still my most cherished possession. I carried it in my car so it'd be with me always, even when it bothered others that I would date. I simply could not remove it. So now it sits on my altar, beside my voodoo doll. I'm going to leave it there in hopes that I can decided what to do. My heart is aching yet fear rules over me. I wish I could dream the answer. I wish I knew what he would say. After all, he appears to be happy and I could not and would not do a thing to ruin that.

Time to toss the clothes in the dryer. I need to sleep before I collapse. I am too weary for my own good. Good night. Good night Quin. Good night Free. Good night Daemon. And of course, good night Allen, my brother.

Anathema