8 posts tagged “papa”

I'm finding myself on edge tonight. Not just any edge but something razor sharp. I've been running in circles all day, only to have what I do cast aside like it was nothing. But this has been going on since last night so I don't know why it's finally gotten me so very wound up tonight.

Yesterday, while trying to install Dreamweaver, I recieved a phone from a neighbor. Not just any neighbor but the one who has been giving us all the problems. He asked for my father and I politely stated that he was not available and asked if he'd like to leave a message. He started telling me how he was going to cut the lines to the well and he started asking me to do this that and the other. I have given my father the reigns in this issue so I stated that I would tell my father that he called and that I wished to remain out of the situation. He started to become belligerent at which time I politely restated myself and hung up.

My stomach had been bothering me all day, I'd spent the day on the phone calling the labor board, trench diggers, farmer's market people and occasionally finding myself otherwise indisposed for lengthy periods of time. By that point in evening, I was in no mood for games. That was just before seven. So... I called my father on both his cells as well as paging him. No answer. He had stated last month that he was going to get an extension on the restraining order as the city sat on our permit for three months before issuing it. I needed to find out if this was true or not.

He finally called an hour and a half after the last page. It was around nine. I asked him if he had gotten the extension but he stated that we had not needed it. This was news to me. The original restraining order protecting the well expired on the twenty third. The water line (the line that goes three feet onto the property from the main waterline and has to be dug by the city) was not yet dug at that time. I was livid. I asked him why he didn't do it anyway, just to be safe. He didn't answer. He just got angry and hung up.

He got home and a fight ensued. I was angry that he'd wrapped himself up so much in his classes that he was forgetting everything else. I was angry that he was trying to put the blame for the situation on everyone else. He was growling about the neighbor being an ass and that he was just trying to cause problems. The man had called to give fair warning. We fucked up. Had I known that my father had not gotten the extension, I would have done everything in my power while in Texas to get the ball rolling. He is well within his rights to cut the waterlines. And I was angry that we'd been placed in such a horrid position via his refusal to pay attention to what was going on.

We had to go to Lowe's a look for some piping that we'll need to get the water situation handled. So we got there with minimal time to spare. He gave the man the wrong information and caused a bit of a problem,

Then came dinner. He didn't eat a thing and my stomach, that I thought to be on the mend, lurched and returned to it's prior state of discomfort. Thank goodness for Free, else I would have had an awful night.

Speaking of which... I'm going to pause and talk to Free.

Well, I felt better. Then my father had to go fuck it up. Damn it. But I'll get to that.

Today. Left a message for the neighbor, explaining the situation. I had previously asked my father to simply not speak to him for fear he'll piss him off and make matters worse. He seems to agree with my request thus far. I got two people lined up to help us dig. One for Friday and a second for Monday if the first doesn't arrive. I've also been calling the labor board about some issues and I got started on a design for the business site.

Then. Not enough change was picked up for tomorrow. Our sign has been loaned out to the small business that sells our honey. As well as some of the other things I need. I also found out that the book in which I kept all the accounting information for the market is missing as well. Damn it. I was able to go to Wal-mart and pick up a new table cloth, some paper bags but nothing I needed for the sign was there. I also snagged some sixty dollars in fives at the register with the cash back option. I politely asked if he could spare fives and he was able to give me the whole sixty in fives. Upon walking out, I was given shit for using my feminine wiles. I hate that. Gggrrrr.

After I got back, we packed up the truck and I settled into the office to get some more work done and download some graphics I need. This is when Free called. Yay! So, spoke to him and felt better. It's wonderful what a phone call can do.

I ended the phone call a little earlier than I wanted to when my father appeared and started grumping. Damn. So, I spoke to him and expressed my frustrations. I told him how his ease to anger about everything recently has been bothering me and how it's not helping this situation. I kept a very level voice. Even when he blew me off and said he was listening to me. My response? "No. You're hearing me but not listening." I shook my head and walked out.

So now I'm talking to Vance about his date the other night. I was talking to Daemon as well but he's gone quiet. It's nice to have conversation to busy my mind. But I should be off to bed. I've got some more 1984 to read. Goodnight kids!

Anathema

I think I shall take the advice of my horoscope today. It said that I should express my joy and more specifically "figure out a way to bring the missing pleasure back into your life." I need to do that. I've been focusing too much on the matters that have been frustrating me and not nearly enough attention to the things that make me happy. And considering I spend more time smiling than not, it stands as proof that I am pretty happy. I need to express that better than I have been. I'm sorry my darling Free, that you haven't seen me as happy as I have been. I'm sorry Quin (yeah, keep laughing you smartass) that I've not been on very often, especially after saying I wasn't going to do that. I'm sorry to all my friends at MT that I've been a little snippy as of late.

Now! What good things have been happening? I'll go from one end of my life to another.

Work. It turns out that Molly is in the hospital. Her mother has called for the past two days to let the managers know that she'd be gone. She has explained that Molly's blood sugar levels are dangerously high and they cannot get them to fall. So, I will eat crow and admit that I was wrong in stating that she probably wasn't diabetic. However... I hope that, if she gets through it, this will get her to start paying attention to what she eats and gets her to cut back on all the sugar she eats. It's got to be a pretty scary thing to be going through. I may not like her but I hope she will be all right soon.

Everything else is going well at work. I've got couple guys that have started to come in a flirt with me so I admit it's rather nice. One is a taller scruffy looking guy that's probably in his mid to late twenties. He's been doing lots of house work and it shows in his pain doused clothing. The second is a guy who reminds me, in appearance, of Quin. He comes and talks to me when he comes in. I'm not really thinking of anything past these mild flirtations but it's fun.

Theater. Opening night for the one acts is tomorrow. I'm very nervous but hopeful that all will go well. My character shoes came in today and this evening my father helped me out by gluing the soft soles onto the bottoms. I know that sounds strange but they're optional on character shoes because one can also gets taps and have tap shoes as well. They should be all set by tomorrow. I've got a flesh-tone bra so that is no longer a problem. I also picked up a black blouse of the style I has originally chosen I think it will do much better under the lights. The sandbags are done for now. I need to sew them shut but the ties will hold for now. I need a night free of theater stuffs.

And now for the good part or at least the best part. My Free. I wish I could explain to everyone how happy I've been, how happy I am. Sure, there was a rough patch but I really needed to get my head on straight about a few things and talk a few things through. It's truly made our relationship much stronger. We talk when we can and that makes me happy. I know he's trying his hardest to show me that he loves me and I know he does. He's given me a reason to hope. To hope that I do stand a chance of someday, having everything I want; that I know I'm not crazy for wanting the life I want. I think of him and my heart sings. This is my joy. To love some one for who they are and to be loved for who I am. It doesn't get any better.

Okay, my eyes are watering up. I'm going to go get things set for tomorrow. It's going to be a long day. I leave home at six fifteen. I'll be at work from nine to six. From there I will be at the theater. Show starts at eight fifteen. The first show is an hour or so. Then it will be Starry Night. Goodnight all!

Anathema

Hey kids! Hope no one missed me too much. Yeah, I know. I can hear the crickets chirping. Nothing much has been going on. Just surreal thoughts of my life, theater stuff, work and... wow. That's sad. I really don't have a life.

Work. Work is going well all in all. Lee is supposed to be leaving tomorrow or Thursday. Molly has left a horrid impression upon him. Olivia is back and is working the floor. She seems to be in a much better frame of mind than she had been but it's early yet. Oh... and the local male high school customers seem to think it's okay to flirt with me.  Mrph. Little pains.

Theater. Kris is better. Yay! So I will only be the acting assistant. The downside is that while everyone comes to me for information and everyone knows I am her assistant... there will be no note of that made in the information that the audience gets to see. Oh well. I will be working on sandbags tomorrow for the set. Yay? Our first performance is this Friday. And I just realized that we have a matinee at two on Saturday. Oops, I'll need to get out of work at one. Earlier perhaps. I'll talk to TJ and see what he thinks.

I will be leaving next Thursday (the fifteenth) with Manny to go to Farmington for ACCTFest. Otherwise it'd be a morning drive the next day and neither of us are morning people. Manny's a sweetheart so I don't mind going up with him. I will be bringing the laptop so I will still be in touch with everyone. Oh, there I go showing my geekiness again.

What else? Talking to Free almost every day, even if it's brief, it's rather nice. Though for some reason the days have been moving slower, which makes the periods between hearing his voice stretch out for ages. I've never felt that before and I don't know what to make of it. Speaking of which, tonight is our usual 'date' night but he's working until at least midnight his time. Sooo, I'm going to go nap for a few minutes. Oh yes, and you read that right. He got a job. At an adult shop. Hehe, how amusing.

Before I go, I want to share a link. I'm sure I've mentioned my father dancing before so here are the photos from Saturday's New Comers Show. He's in the first batch of these solo photos. He's the handsome guy in the tux with tails and red vest. I'm so proud of him. The woman he's dancing with is his former instructor, Calie. Her husband is a professional photographer, thus all the photos of her.

G'night all!

Anathema

I'm sure I could say a lot right now but to be honest, I'm not feeling well. My stomach is a bit upset and that probably has to do with the Turkey Waldorf Salad I had for dinner. I'll give you a quick run down before I go crawl into bed.

• I've been feeling off since yesterday evening. Everyone seems to be okay so I'm at a loss as to what's setting me off.
• Had a great battle of wits with a twit at work who thought that my health was a subject up for public discussion. Needless to say, I won. Soundly.
  
• Got all the stuff to send off for my taxes. I'm sending the signatures via express mail. So I'll have cash soon. Yay!
• Had lunch with my father and also went to his dance class tonight. He gets to do a public performance Monday night. I'm very excited for him and very proud of him.
• I was told that my eyes unnerved one of the men in his class. I laughed because it amused me.
  
• I learned that I am never to listen to the song 'Awake' in public ever, ever again. The reaction I had to it was simply too much to ever comfortably show anyone that I don't know.
  
• I'm still feeling off and a little freaked out. I saw Andrew, thew evil ex from hell in town today while I was walking back to work from Starbucks. He's the only person who truly scares me; there's a reason I have a restraining order against him. I really thought he was gone. He's back. And I would give anything to be where he can never find me. I hate to admit it but I'm actually scared. It makes me think of a recurring nightmare I had for at least five years.
  

Anyway, that's it. I'm going to go to bed and wake up later to call and tell Free goodnight. Call it an addiction but I adore his voice and it really helps me to feel better. And right now... I kinda need that.

Goodnight kids!

Anathema

What was it that Alice said after she fell down the rabbit hole? Curiouser and curiouser. And that's just about where I'm at. My past just won't piss off, damn it all. Z has come back to haunt me. Thrilling. I had heard a rumor a while ago that he was working at Starbucks but as I hadn't seen hide nor hair of him I didn't give it a second thought. Well, as I was waiting for my father to pick me up this evening and while talking to Free over the phone I caught sight of him out of the corner of my eye. It looked as though he had a moment of "wtf" as well. My phone was running out so I said goodbye to Free and continued reading my book.

He never came over but he'd occasionally glance over at me, still looking surprised. My stomach started aching and I couldn't tell if it was from hunger, a triple mocha on an empty stomach or seeing him for the first time in over two years. He really left a lot of pain in his wake. The bastard. I know, I know. This is just enough detail to demand a back story isn't it? Damn it. Perhaps later. I'm going to finish this entry and go work on a story that I wrote after saying my final good bye to Z all those years ago. I think I may want to find a way to publish it somewhere.

The rest of the day was... okay. Had a fight with my father this afternoon over his temper and his problems handling anger and stress. We've talked through it and I've brought up the idea of stress/anger management. I don't know if it will go anywhere but it needed to be brought up. He called me while I was waiting at Starbucks and he apologized. He scared the hell out of me though when he said that "something" had happened. I almost went into panic mode three. I hate it when he does that. He told me how he saw a homeless man fall on the street. He pulled over and got the man to the Burger King near by. He bought him food and coffee, made sure he was okay and went to his class. He was truly shaken up.

Rehearsal was... pointless. We went over some songs and to be honest... they're awful. The women that wrote them.. geeze.. I want to smack them both. It's horrid! The lady trying to teach us the songs was useless. No matter how awful we sounded she would say "That was great! You're really getting it!" Gah!

This evening has proven most cathartic. I needed it. Though tears are heavy on my eyes and have stained my cheeks like little rivers... I feel better than I have in a long time. Thank you Free.

Anathema

At the moment I am hanging my head in shame. I don't know what has happened to me as of late but I'm not happy with it. I used to write every bloody day but then poof! I stopped. I wish I could say why but I really don't know of a reason good enough. So I won't make any promises but I will try to get back in the swing of things. The last few months have been spent resettling myself into a whole new groove so here's for hoping it's set. For now at least.

Work has been work. Running a register is probably one of the most soul sucking things I've ever done. Truth be told, I hate it. I'm tired of being treated like I'm an idiot. My co-workers are... none too bright. Okay, not all of them but if I had my way I would probably shitcan more than half of the lot. None of the managers have the balls to manage. The main store manager is rarely there and really should have nothing to do with retail. The front end supervisor is one of the most weak willed creatures I have ever met.  And not to sound shallow, because the health concerns are monumental, her health and weight are horrid. She refuses to take care of herself as well as her two girls. The older of the two was sexually assaulted just a couple weeks ago so this may just get her to pull her head out of the sand. I can only hope. She's a bright woman, I just wish she'd see it.

I've been spending more time with the theater, which I've missed. I've been singing Olios (the entertainment between the acts) for the Melodrama so that's been fun. I flubbed last Friday but that's okay, it happens. The only one who gave me any shit for it (except for myself of course, I was all eaten up by it) was Unice, the bitchy pianist. She's been trying to get a hold of me since last night but I don't really want to talk to her so I'll wait until I see her Friday night. She'll be worse but oh well. It'll be less bloody with everyone else around to keep me from beating her. I don't know what she's going to complain about, after all, everyone's loved what I've done so far. Probably wants me to pick one song and stick with it but that was never the plan anyway. Besides I'm already set for the next two shows. Friday night sing 'Accentuate the Positive' and Saturday night sing 'Twisted'. And if she doesn't like it, tough shit. I can just as easily go home after work, not have to wear all that make up and thus get horrid breakouts.

What else? Oh yes. The most important thing. Hehehe. I am flying out to Texas on the 25th to go see Free. I have been a smiling, giggling wretch since I purchased the tickets. Oh yes, here comes one now.  Ahem. Remy is all pissed because I'm going to miss his twenty first birthday (on the 25th) but I have my priorities. And it should very well go without saying that Free is much, much higher up on that list than Remy. Not nice but honest. But anyway, I will be there until the first. Outside of the almost stage-fright like nerves, I'm feeling very good about it all.

Speaking of the guys. I've pretty much written off Paxton. We rarely if ever talk now and if he can't be bothered to say hello then I'm not going to waste my time. Daemon is... Daemon. We speak every now and again but he always has a bit of a full plate. And Ronan? We talk every now and again but what we are I couldn't say.

And then there is home. Papa's been taking dance lessons since last March and has found it to be something that helps him thrive. Then there is my mother. I have been trying to talk to her. Who the hell knows why. I went from a size nine to a thirteen since I tried to bridge this gap because the stress she puts me through ruins my metabolism. Speaking of which, I've been busting my butt trying to get back down to my normal size and though it's harder with her here, it's slowly working. I don't know how much I've lost but at least it's some. I know, I know. I really shouldn't care about it but I do. And nine isn't that small. It's a nice medium, normal size. It's not like I want to be a size one or something.

Well, that's it for now. I've got a new bio-thriller to read so I'm going to go do just that while I finish up laundry. I'll post a photo of a pie I baked on Christmas in a secondary post before I go. G'night kids!

Anathema

Radio Edit: This from Freewill Astrology ...

SCORPIO (Oct. 23-Nov. 21): In the past, love has on occasion had certain resemblances to a wounded three-legged wild boar from a swampy junkyard in hell. But if I'm interpreting the coming attractions correctly, love in 2007 could be more like a white dove balancing on the head of a black horse as it gallops along a beach under a full moon in summer. Does the phrase "higher love" mean anything to you, Scorpio? It's there for the plucking, if you've got the right attitude. And what's the right attitude? For starters, it means that you vow to cultivate a fierce determination to see--and keep seeing--the best in people. Secondly, it means that you deepen your understanding of the fact that you can't prosper at the expense of others. Thirdly, it means you become intensely aware that one of the best ways to nurture your mental hygiene is to enhance the well-being of the people you care about.

Iiiinteresting. Food for thought.

I do hope you were not expecting some amount of regularity from me. I could try but it never really works. Life has a way of changing things on the slightest of notices.

Work is going well though I am almost expecting something to happen tomorrow. Knock on wood.

I'd like to say that things are going well relationship wise but they're not. I last spoke to Korvin on the twenty eighth. The last text message I received was upon the second while I was driving back from Albq around ten thirty that night. I'm giving the matter a week. If I don't hear from him before the ninth, I'm going to consider it a wash. I love him dearly but I am growing weary of this horrible lack of communication. It pains me to think about this because I truly thought we had a second chance. Now it seems I was wrong in the most awful way possible. Only time will tell. Either way, I am tired of being the villain. I know he does not understand the reasons I had for ending it the first time around, else this would not be happening. He needs, as the phrase goes, to shit or get off the pot. Either he wants to give this a real chance and be with me or he doesn't. Simple as that.

As you saw me mention Albq, I'll let you know what's going on there. Papa came back from his California trip on Sunday night. I went to pick him up and got back around ten or so that night. The following morning I discovered that my wallet was missing. I was frantic in my search of the house, practically turning it upside down. In a last ditch effort, I called the airport's lost and found office. They indeed had my wallet but there was no credit card in it nor was my social security card. It appears that I was hit by a pickpocket. Damn it. That night I drove down after work and picked it up. I ended up getting home just after eleven. Wednesday, I found my credit card buried on my dresser. The social security card, however, has been taken. Fun. Fun.

So, it is Thursday night and I am about ready to pass out for the night. My furry balls of chaos are waiting for me to go to bed and I think I shall do just that. I've had a long day and I intend to sleep like a rock. Before I sign off the night, however, I am going to post a meme I created.

Anathema

Greetings and salutations to everyone here at Vox. I created this account some time ago but things managed to become rather hectic before I was allowed the luxury of getting too very comfortable and introducing myself. I am Anna, otherwise known as Anathema. I cannot say I live an extraordinary life yet I cannot say I live a completely mundane existence either. I am twenty three and slowly encroaching upon my twenty fourth birthday. It's a thought that amuses me to no end as my childhood remains so very vivid in my imagination. Like every other person willing to admit it, I was involved of my fair share of stupidity and wonder just how I got through it in one piece. Regardless of how it was done, it was.

I currently live with my father, whom I look to as not only my parent but as my friend. I was living on my own for a few years before I moved back to help with bills and help support him through some very rough cancer treatments. Oh and he's doing quite well now, thank you. He's gone through colon cancer, two battles with prostate cancer as well as Non-Hodgkin's Lymphoma and has come out all the stronger for everything. We run an apiary out of our backyard. He tends to the bees while I harvest and sell the honey. He's also the team leader of a local Hazardous Devices Team (Bomb Squad) and was doing the same thing in the Navy for twenty three years before he retired.

I currently work for Office Depot in their tech department. So, yes, this often results in evenings spent plotting against insulting customers and bastards who try to play "Outwit the Tech". I have worked customer service for a good portion of my life though I have three years experience as the sole technician/engineer of a now defunct radio station and am looking to possibly get involved with radio once more. My maternal uncle, Rasmus, runs several stations in the Portland area so perhaps it's in the blood.

I am unsure as to how to refer to my relationship status. I do consider myself involved but at this point I find myself just unsure as to what to call it. The relationship between Korvin and myself is a little... complicated. This is the second time we've dated, the first time being two years ago. We had a rough break up that was really all my fault. He was going through a depression and because of the nature of our relationship (D/s) I thought it was simply too much for him and thought that the best course of action would be to allow him to get himself together before continuing. It didn't go well and unfortunately it led to some vicious arguments.

We saw each other in the start of this year. I had hopes but they were quickly shattered when, after we had already spent a night together, I found out he was engaged. I was enraged and though I tried to hide how upset and broken hearted I was, I failed miserably. I spent the next several weeks depressed and crying my eyes out. We didn't talk again until a couple months ago when he just happened to be in the store when I was coming back from lunch. I choked down my feelings and gave him my new number and said we should go play Jyhad (the VtM version of Magic). Almost a month later I got a random text message and after figuring out who the number belonged to, we spent the night watching Zozobra burn, talking about the past a little and... well... that too.

So now... he lives with his mother as he's doing school full time and his mother hates me. She kicked me out when I came to pick him up for a date Wednesday night... and no, he did not say a thing. He knows I love him. And I know that he... doesn't love me. It's frustrating, to say the least. I hate feeling like a villian, as though my intentions were truly horrid when I know they were not. I want to give this a chance, the chance it deserves but it's hard when he drops off the face of the planet, ignores my calls (perhaps once a day) for days on end and will drop a text conversation right in the middle. No one ever said that love was easy but I don't want another broken heart; the first two from him hurt enough, I don't want a third.

Well, I've got to attend a meeting tomorrow morning at eight though I'm off for the remainder of the day. Perhaps I can get Korvin to respond to a text message asking about lunch tomorrow.  Besides, I've babbled enough.

Goodnight everyone!

Anathema