5 posts tagged “korvin”

It's not often that one has their past served to them on a silver platter. And yet mine has been so served not only once but twice this year. It's most interesting to think about and yet my stomach has been lurching hideously as I ponder this latest occurrence. Perhaps I am truly once bitten twice shy about rehashing my past. And that's simply unfair. One cannot base their thoughts of one person upon their experiences with another. Yes, yes, I realize that life is not fair and that we all make assumptions using our past as a sounding board of sorts but being aware of such behavior, we should be willing to work with it and change it. But I digress.

We all know what happened with Korvin, the first instance. Just thinking about the bastard makes my tongue almost blister with the instantaneous bitterness. Yet. Shit happens and one must let it go if one is to get anywhere in life. We cannot hold onto such feelings and expect to move forward. Yes. He's a bastard but that's his problem and not mine. So, onward.

Ronan. At least that's what he'll be known as here. Humorously enough I met him, back in June, the same way I met Free, Paxton and Daemon. OKC. I had a wonderful time. But there were problems and, for once, it really wasn't me. He was some one that I could have developed quite an attachment to. But it was severed late one night the following month when I went to see him. I won't go into details. Suffice to say the next morning proved to be a hard drive home, upset and deciding that it would be in my best interest to simply not see him again. I called, left a message stating as much and let it go. At least as much as one can. We spoke briefly a day later and it left me just as cold as I had been that previous morning.

On the tenth of this month I dropped an IM his way and wished him luck with a problem he's having. We continued talking, however slow the conversation. Since then various comments have surfaced regarding the brief interlude. I find myself torn. While I want to see him again and talk and see what happens. I'm also painfully hesitant. Yet. I'll never know if do not try. I shall just have to wait and see what happens.

I do have other things to talk about but I'm tired. I'm going to say hi to Ronan and then head to bed. I've got tomorrow off so anyone with my number is more than welcome to give me a shout. G'night kids! And Free, I hope you had a good time at the Fetish Ball!

Anathema

BTW - Paxton... are you alive mister man? Yooohoooo.....

I feel awful for not updating for a while but I think once I tell you all why, I may just be forgiven. It's been a long week, ending with me having countless bruises, several cuts, burns, body aches and a swollen ankle. Oh. And no car.

And because I could, and want to, write lots but can't sit in the horrid chair for too long, I have a video link for you that might explain what happened. Yes, it's an external link. I tried to save the bloody video but had no luck what so ever. Via KOBTV, Channel Four.

So. Yeah. That was my car. And yes. That is me they are pulling out of it. There were no critical injuries, though with the extent of the damage, I can see why they thought as much. I did get pulled out and put on a stretcher. I was taken to Saint Vincent's. Thankfully I have no broken bones though we did think my ankle would be broken at the very least.

As much as I'd like to write more, I am tired and sore. I need to go prop up my ankle and get out of this awful chair I have in front of the computer. As soon as I am feeling better I will write more.

Oh! And before I forget, Korvin is out of the picture for good. I called the son of a bitch from the car as I was trying to remain calm and wait for the rescue team and ambulance. I ended up leaving a message. It said that I was in just in a large wreck. That was I was still in the car. And that I could not and would not see him any longer. As I was spinning, I came to the realization that even though I loved him, he didn't feel the same and in fact it dawned on me that this whole thing was probably done in revenge. To see just how badly he could hurt me. I refuse to let it continue. I didn't know how bad I was injured but I had to do it. And his response? He's made none. No call to see if I'm okay. Nothing. For all he knows, I'm dead. And I may as well be so to him for he can kiss my ass. I've been hurt enough.

Anathema

Pick five random objects from your bedroom or house that look unsuspecting to strangers, yet hold memories for you be they good, bad or indifferent. Share! And remember to pass this along. (And no, images are not required!)

One: The red cut velvet pillow upon my bed. I got it when a fellow Scorpio whom I happened to be dating said that I was a fucked up Scorpio for not owning nor wearing anything red. I had a great time with said Scorpio until he dropped off the face of the planet. The pillow remains on my bed. It's the only red thing I own aside from a now missing red tank top. I've just never been a red-loving Scorpio. Give me my greens.

Two: A sake bottle filled with rose petals sitting upon my bookcase. The sake bottle is the first bottle of sake I ever had. I shared it with a friend of mine over a fantastic Japanese dinner we made in my apartment. The petals are from a bouquet of a dozen roses that a boyfriend (who happened to be in the UK) had sent me for Valentine's Day. He was so excited about sending them that he sent them early. They were the first Valentine's Day gift I ever received while dating some one. They meant the world to me then and they means just as much to me now.

Three: The center piece of my altar. It was a gift from my exgirlfriend's folks. It was originally meant to house scented oils but I found it was just what I needed for my altar and it's been there ever since. It reminds me of her. It's been on my altar so long that my cats were seriously confused when I removed it for cleaning. As you can see, the altar is a favorite place fr them.

Four: A boxed game of Apples to Apples, sitting in a cabinet under my aquarium. This reminds me of Korvin as it was a gift from him on my twenty second birthday. It also reminds me of the above exgirlfriend because it was her father  who introduced me to the game.

Five: A framed Jodie Bergsma print. It was a gift from my father when I was depressed and it really means a lot to me. It says: "Be gentle with yourself. You are a child of the universe no less than the trees and the stars You have a right to be here. Believe that life is unfolding as it should therefore keep peace with God in your soul, remember it is a beautiful world after all."

I do hope you were not expecting some amount of regularity from me. I could try but it never really works. Life has a way of changing things on the slightest of notices.

Work is going well though I am almost expecting something to happen tomorrow. Knock on wood.

I'd like to say that things are going well relationship wise but they're not. I last spoke to Korvin on the twenty eighth. The last text message I received was upon the second while I was driving back from Albq around ten thirty that night. I'm giving the matter a week. If I don't hear from him before the ninth, I'm going to consider it a wash. I love him dearly but I am growing weary of this horrible lack of communication. It pains me to think about this because I truly thought we had a second chance. Now it seems I was wrong in the most awful way possible. Only time will tell. Either way, I am tired of being the villain. I know he does not understand the reasons I had for ending it the first time around, else this would not be happening. He needs, as the phrase goes, to shit or get off the pot. Either he wants to give this a real chance and be with me or he doesn't. Simple as that.

As you saw me mention Albq, I'll let you know what's going on there. Papa came back from his California trip on Sunday night. I went to pick him up and got back around ten or so that night. The following morning I discovered that my wallet was missing. I was frantic in my search of the house, practically turning it upside down. In a last ditch effort, I called the airport's lost and found office. They indeed had my wallet but there was no credit card in it nor was my social security card. It appears that I was hit by a pickpocket. Damn it. That night I drove down after work and picked it up. I ended up getting home just after eleven. Wednesday, I found my credit card buried on my dresser. The social security card, however, has been taken. Fun. Fun.

So, it is Thursday night and I am about ready to pass out for the night. My furry balls of chaos are waiting for me to go to bed and I think I shall do just that. I've had a long day and I intend to sleep like a rock. Before I sign off the night, however, I am going to post a meme I created.

Anathema

Greetings and salutations to everyone here at Vox. I created this account some time ago but things managed to become rather hectic before I was allowed the luxury of getting too very comfortable and introducing myself. I am Anna, otherwise known as Anathema. I cannot say I live an extraordinary life yet I cannot say I live a completely mundane existence either. I am twenty three and slowly encroaching upon my twenty fourth birthday. It's a thought that amuses me to no end as my childhood remains so very vivid in my imagination. Like every other person willing to admit it, I was involved of my fair share of stupidity and wonder just how I got through it in one piece. Regardless of how it was done, it was.

I currently live with my father, whom I look to as not only my parent but as my friend. I was living on my own for a few years before I moved back to help with bills and help support him through some very rough cancer treatments. Oh and he's doing quite well now, thank you. He's gone through colon cancer, two battles with prostate cancer as well as Non-Hodgkin's Lymphoma and has come out all the stronger for everything. We run an apiary out of our backyard. He tends to the bees while I harvest and sell the honey. He's also the team leader of a local Hazardous Devices Team (Bomb Squad) and was doing the same thing in the Navy for twenty three years before he retired.

I currently work for Office Depot in their tech department. So, yes, this often results in evenings spent plotting against insulting customers and bastards who try to play "Outwit the Tech". I have worked customer service for a good portion of my life though I have three years experience as the sole technician/engineer of a now defunct radio station and am looking to possibly get involved with radio once more. My maternal uncle, Rasmus, runs several stations in the Portland area so perhaps it's in the blood.

I am unsure as to how to refer to my relationship status. I do consider myself involved but at this point I find myself just unsure as to what to call it. The relationship between Korvin and myself is a little... complicated. This is the second time we've dated, the first time being two years ago. We had a rough break up that was really all my fault. He was going through a depression and because of the nature of our relationship (D/s) I thought it was simply too much for him and thought that the best course of action would be to allow him to get himself together before continuing. It didn't go well and unfortunately it led to some vicious arguments.

We saw each other in the start of this year. I had hopes but they were quickly shattered when, after we had already spent a night together, I found out he was engaged. I was enraged and though I tried to hide how upset and broken hearted I was, I failed miserably. I spent the next several weeks depressed and crying my eyes out. We didn't talk again until a couple months ago when he just happened to be in the store when I was coming back from lunch. I choked down my feelings and gave him my new number and said we should go play Jyhad (the VtM version of Magic). Almost a month later I got a random text message and after figuring out who the number belonged to, we spent the night watching Zozobra burn, talking about the past a little and... well... that too.

So now... he lives with his mother as he's doing school full time and his mother hates me. She kicked me out when I came to pick him up for a date Wednesday night... and no, he did not say a thing. He knows I love him. And I know that he... doesn't love me. It's frustrating, to say the least. I hate feeling like a villian, as though my intentions were truly horrid when I know they were not. I want to give this a chance, the chance it deserves but it's hard when he drops off the face of the planet, ignores my calls (perhaps once a day) for days on end and will drop a text conversation right in the middle. No one ever said that love was easy but I don't want another broken heart; the first two from him hurt enough, I don't want a third.

Well, I've got to attend a meeting tomorrow morning at eight though I'm off for the remainder of the day. Perhaps I can get Korvin to respond to a text message asking about lunch tomorrow.  Besides, I've babbled enough.

Goodnight everyone!

Anathema