34 posts tagged “free”
The sad little audiophile that I am, I am finding myself in tears listening to, of all things, some Disney songs. I was listening to my personalized jazz station over at Pandora (the link is to your right) when I heard the most amazing version of 'When You Wish Upon a Star". I had to find it. So I did. Then I listened to the rest of the album. The song that got me? Baby Mine. I'm not even a big fan of Dumbo but the song is heartbreakingly sweet.
Let me give you a quick breakdown of my day and then I want you to go look at my audio files here and listen to the four songs I've just posted. They are: When You Wish Upon a Star, A Wish is a Dream Your Heart Makes, Once Upon a Dream & Baby Mine. I know I can't be the only one who cries during Baby Mine. The song makes me want to learn a basic waltz so I can dance to it with my father. Okay! Enough being emotional!
We are now on city water. Yay! I missed having good water pressure. We ran errands in Santa Fe. I picked up a few things from Whole Foods, including some rice milk. Speaking of which, I think I'll grab some. Ah, much better. I tried having a mocha today, with a dose of lactaid. It only helped a little. My stomach still felt like it was swimming. Anyway, what else? Not much. Just getting lots of stuff done and sorting through lots of paperwork. Thrilling.
When I got home the winds were just screaming through. The back gate was open and Lilly was out beside the drive way. I was so proud of her for staying home; it was great! The other two were blocked in by big black bags full of tumbleweeds that had fallen in front of the gate as neither of the others - Allie & Igor - are jumpers. So, taking advantage of this, I worked with Lilly a little bit on off-leash training. The dog is exceptionally smart and she's retaining a lot of what I've taught her thus far.
And of course I talked to Free for a while. Poor darling, I wish I knew what to do other than worrying about him. He just seems so.. well... stretched thin. I do hope he takes some time for himself, he needs it. That gives me an idea. But anyway. We had a great talk while he drove to his primary's house so I can only hope it helped a little.
I'm a very tired little thing so I think I will haul myself to bed. My sunburn is still tender so this should be a trick. Oh well. Goodnight kids.
Anathema
I finally figured out why my stomach is causing me so many issues. It's doing it again. The common thread? Milk. Milk has been making me absolutely sick to my stomach. This new development is horrifying. I like milk. I love ice cream. I adore cheese. But every time I've had a milk product this week... I've been absolutely sick. I hope to gods that this passes. I didn't have any until dinner and within twenty minutes - possibly less - I felt awful. Since then, my insides have been raging and I've been spending waaay too much time in the restroom. Nooo!!! *insert childish whining, crying and pouting here*
To make matters worse, I managed to get a fierce sunburn on my shoulders after perhaps only an hour, cumulatively, in the sun. Lovely. They're almost glowing, they're so red. My nose is a light cherry color but not enough for me to be bothered by it. The bright side to this, aside from the luminous warmth of the burns, is that the trench got dug today. The main body of the supply line was buried and so tomorrow, after we make sure all the fittings are secure, we will be on city water. Yay! No more water issues. I hope.
Oh and I had a dandy start to the day. I awoke with the most horrendous sensation known to woman aside from childbirth. And guys, this will make you twitch. This will fall under the TMI category. I awoke with the worst possible pain from a yeast infection. Damn it all. However, it is now under control. I've had more of these damn things since I've been on the shot then I ever got while on the pill. Fuck this. I'm going back to the pill.
Aside from all this, I've been doing paperwork all day. And it's all stuff for the business. There's a lot and I'm not anywhere near being caught up yet. Oh well. I was so wrapped up that I haven't done a thing with the computer beyond typing this and working with Microsoft Money all day. I'll fool around with email tomorrow. I hope.
Just spoke with Free and that makes me feel a bit better, as always. We both seemed to have an extraordinarily busy day today and it's wonderful to curl up and take refuge in his voice and words after the mess of a day is said and done. It's a comfort like nothing else. I can only hope that things will calm down for both of us. It sounds like he will be having a great night tomorrow and I'm thrilled to hear it. I.. well... who knows what will be happening. I never can tell anymore.
So, I'm going to finish talking with Vance and call it a night. Oh! You know, I've mentioned Vance before and I should probably tell you who he is. Vance is a dear friend of mine in Los Angeles. I met him over on OKC a while ago and so we talk on AIM quite a bit. He's a great friend and one of my favorite people to flirt with. He's been having a shit time on the dating scene so I've been commiserating with him and trying to offer what help I can.
Well, g'night kids!
Anathema
I'm finding myself on edge tonight. Not just any edge but something razor sharp. I've been running in circles all day, only to have what I do cast aside like it was nothing. But this has been going on since last night so I don't know why it's finally gotten me so very wound up tonight.
Yesterday, while trying to install Dreamweaver, I recieved a phone from a neighbor. Not just any neighbor but the one who has been giving us all the problems. He asked for my father and I politely stated that he was not available and asked if he'd like to leave a message. He started telling me how he was going to cut the lines to the well and he started asking me to do this that and the other. I have given my father the reigns in this issue so I stated that I would tell my father that he called and that I wished to remain out of the situation. He started to become belligerent at which time I politely restated myself and hung up.
My stomach had been bothering me all day, I'd spent the day on the phone calling the labor board, trench diggers, farmer's market people and occasionally finding myself otherwise indisposed for lengthy periods of time. By that point in evening, I was in no mood for games. That was just before seven. So... I called my father on both his cells as well as paging him. No answer. He had stated last month that he was going to get an extension on the restraining order as the city sat on our permit for three months before issuing it. I needed to find out if this was true or not.
He finally called an hour and a half after the last page. It was around nine. I asked him if he had gotten the extension but he stated that we had not needed it. This was news to me. The original restraining order protecting the well expired on the twenty third. The water line (the line that goes three feet onto the property from the main waterline and has to be dug by the city) was not yet dug at that time. I was livid. I asked him why he didn't do it anyway, just to be safe. He didn't answer. He just got angry and hung up.
He got home and a fight ensued. I was angry that he'd wrapped himself up so much in his classes that he was forgetting everything else. I was angry that he was trying to put the blame for the situation on everyone else. He was growling about the neighbor being an ass and that he was just trying to cause problems. The man had called to give fair warning. We fucked up. Had I known that my father had not gotten the extension, I would have done everything in my power while in Texas to get the ball rolling. He is well within his rights to cut the waterlines. And I was angry that we'd been placed in such a horrid position via his refusal to pay attention to what was going on.
We had to go to Lowe's a look for some piping that we'll need to get the water situation handled. So we got there with minimal time to spare. He gave the man the wrong information and caused a bit of a problem,
Then came dinner. He didn't eat a thing and my stomach, that I thought to be on the mend, lurched and returned to it's prior state of discomfort. Thank goodness for Free, else I would have had an awful night.
Speaking of which... I'm going to pause and talk to Free.
Well, I felt better. Then my father had to go fuck it up. Damn it. But I'll get to that.
Today. Left a message for the neighbor, explaining the situation. I had previously asked my father to simply not speak to him for fear he'll piss him off and make matters worse. He seems to agree with my request thus far. I got two people lined up to help us dig. One for Friday and a second for Monday if the first doesn't arrive. I've also been calling the labor board about some issues and I got started on a design for the business site.
Then. Not enough change was picked up for tomorrow. Our sign has been loaned out to the small business that sells our honey. As well as some of the other things I need. I also found out that the book in which I kept all the accounting information for the market is missing as well. Damn it. I was able to go to Wal-mart and pick up a new table cloth, some paper bags but nothing I needed for the sign was there. I also snagged some sixty dollars in fives at the register with the cash back option. I politely asked if he could spare fives and he was able to give me the whole sixty in fives. Upon walking out, I was given shit for using my feminine wiles. I hate that. Gggrrrr.
After I got back, we packed up the truck and I settled into the office to get some more work done and download some graphics I need. This is when Free called. Yay! So, spoke to him and felt better. It's wonderful what a phone call can do.
I ended the phone call a little earlier than I wanted to when my father appeared and started grumping. Damn. So, I spoke to him and expressed my frustrations. I told him how his ease to anger about everything recently has been bothering me and how it's not helping this situation. I kept a very level voice. Even when he blew me off and said he was listening to me. My response? "No. You're hearing me but not listening." I shook my head and walked out.
So now I'm talking to Vance about his date the other night. I was talking to Daemon as well but he's gone quiet. It's nice to have conversation to busy my mind. But I should be off to bed. I've got some more 1984 to read. Goodnight kids!
Anathema
As you can probably tell from that last, ever so brief entry, it's been hectic. I'll be flying home tomorrow evening at five fifteen (CST) and getting home probably sometime around seven thirty (MST). I find that I am in a rather 'in-between' sort of mood. To do the situation justice, I'll try to write everything out as well as I can. Well... there are something items that I prefer to keep to a more private form of expression but I'll try not to leave out anything that will make you go 'what was that?' This may or may not be in order. You all know how my mind works now so I'm sure you'll catch on.
My first day here was great. Hell, it was the most... active first hour of any trip I've ever had. It was wonderful! Upon seeing him, I thought my heart would jump from my chest and race me. I still feel like that when I look at him. We spoke over lunch at Chipolte. That night we were going to go see Johnny Lloyd Rollins but the show was cancelled. So we went and met with his friend instead. Had a great time.
Oops, just got distracted. I just saw a new photo of my pretty little nieces posted over at MySpace and had to leave a comment for my brother.
Now... this is where my days get almost blury. We spent most of our time at thye hotel, just spending time with each other. Wednesday we had lunch with Ed. Thursday we had lunch with his primary (yes, I'm still witholding her name because I don't know if she'd be comfortable with me using it or another for her). That night he had work.
Now, I admit... that night I was thrown off a bit. I'm at a loss as to what to do around his primary. I'm not exactly a people-person but I'm pretty good at meeting new people and finding common ground. However... she's not very - oh how do I say this? - good at meeting new people it seems. This is merely a summation from my meeting her and what I've gathered friom Free. Regardless, I thought it went well as did he. However it appeared from an email she made later to him that she didn't feel the same way. Or it could be that she was just having an off day. I was really at a loss as to what to do and I still am, really. This really threw me off. I can't say it was unexpected however. That doesn't mean I wish it hadn't though.
Anyway, that night I made a lovely dinner at the hotel. Steak and shrimp in an apricot sauce, a salad with clementines, pine nuts and dried cranbrries. Mmmm, tasty. I do wish I had an oven but I was able to make-do with the stove top. The next night, as he had to work that night as well, I made raviolli in a sauce, tomato soup and another salad. I'll have to start playing salads more when I get back to New Mexico. It'd really spice up dinners to have something a little different every now and again.
Friday was quiet, having lunch with Ed and keeping mostly to ourselves. Saturday we had yet another quiet day and lunch with Ed. That night we went to a bar Free's mother frequents and had fun at their weekly karaoke. And yes, I got up and sang. In fact, I sang four times. Lemme see if I can remember what I sang. God Bless the Child... Hero... Honey I'm Home and Angel. Oh! And a brief duet of sorts with Free and I was pulled up to sing a song with all the other women present. I had a wonderful time! And while Free said I was meeting his mother while she was in a great mood, she came across as a really lovely lady. It was great to meet her. The only bad part was the fact that we stank of smoke for the rest of the night. That night we continued to stay up and we watched the following days sunrise together. It was utterly magnificent. We got to bed around eight Sunday morning.
Sunday... we slept until four in the afternoon. We then got together with Jess. She stayed until about midnight. I admit, I was growing a bit weary of company. My reaction wasn't the best but it wasn't as bad as all that. As he kept insisting that she should stay, I wasn't very pleased. And... well... this is where I admit, to my shame, a certain comfort level. I consider intimacies, making out and the like... well... personal. Or at least something kept to all those involved. It's not just relationship related. I just get annoyed with overdone displays of affection infront of others. So, wanting to get some air and think my way through my discomfort, I took the garbage down to the bins on the ground level and then went to go sit on the benches that were upon the grass not far from the room.
They came and found me after a few minutes. We said our goodbyes, I hugged Jess and Free and I spend the rest of the night talking about what had happened and comfort levels. Oh and a side note...
I get along quite well with Jess. I enjoy her company; she's a nut. I really wish that his primary felt that comfortable with me because I feel that we have the potential to have some great conversations and possibly share some good humor. But, I just don't know what to do about that because I just don't get that same vibe from her.
Monday... we had a quiet day and spent the majority of it between the hotel and Eds. That night we had something of a fight/argument - our very first - but we talked it through. I don't expect to see eye to eye on everything; that would drive me mad. But as much as we both pride ourselves on communication, we're not perfect and we can't always say the right thing. That's part of the human condition.
Tuesday. We were off. We'd only slept five hours. He was grumping and snapping a bit (well, a little more than a bit); a mixture of not feeling well and disliking my leaving. I will say I was a little irked. I didn't want my last memories of this trip to be bad. Standing in the garage, we spoke and I gave voice to my feelings. We spoke a bit about it. Mid-talk, we got a reprieve. My flight was cancelled. So, on our way to get lunch, I called American Airlines. After being on perma-hold for god knows how long, I finally got a new flight for the following morning. This, however, led to complications. His primary was none too pleased. They'd been planning on spending that night together.
We talked some more and agreed to enjoy ourselves and use this extra night as something of a second chance. That is... until there was more bad news. My second flight was cancelled as well. Also due to weather. This was about midnight (CST) and he was on the phone with his primary and I could tell by the tone of the conversation that she was upset about what this may mean. It only got worse. I called American and and the only flight they could get me on had a nine fifteen depature time. Nine fifteen Thursday night.
I instantly started looking up what I could do to get tickets through another airline. This led to a bit of upset and more talking. Though uncomfortable with causing more problems, I gave in, booked the tickets that American offered.
So... today. Wednesday. I will say now that a lot of what happened today will be staying off the blog. It was not pretty and the air is still heavy-laden with discomfort and hurt feelings and probably a bit of anger.
He went to go have lunch with his primary and left me off at Borders.On the way, Free asked me something that... well... maybe part of me feels that his primary should have at least tried to talk to me about it as well. She asked him to leave me at the airport two hours earlier than my flight. I was rather taken aback, feeling this was almost an about-face to our plan to enjoy the extra time together to it's fullest. Rather hurt but wanting to mull everything over before saying anything, I remained quiet as he dropped me off.
At Borders I spent... waaaay too much money. Something over one hundred dollars. Oops. I hate to say it but that may have been part of a mania showing. Oh well. I got a few books (How to Hepburn, Sexy Witch, and a CSS pocket guide), a wood-bound journal and even something for Free (yes, even angry, I thought to get him something). I spent the remaining time reading and listening to music on my player.
The drive back... was not pretty. I even thought about calling a cab and staying a hotel close to the airport for the remaining night. I was so angry that I completely shut down. I'll leave it at that. We spoke and while things aren't exactly warm and fuzzy, we'll be okay.
So, here I am. I'm sitting at Eds while Free is at work. I was able to get rescheduled for an earlier flight so it took care of the problem. I rather wish that I'd been able to do that before being put in the position I felt that I'd been put in of either being angry and hurt and crying in the airport alone or sitting and watching him be upset because his primary would be upset. Neither was a good option to me. And though there is an 's-word' that comes to mind, it'd be mean to say it. And even I, in all my tactless glory, know better.
Anyway. I've checked my mail, the forum, and everthing else that I don't need my bookmarks for. I'm going to go sit and write and read a bit. So, good night kids. Everyone be good while I'm away.
Anathema
Here I sit in my silk ritual robe because my terry-clothe bathrobe has finally died. I've tried to go to bed who knows how many times but I can't seem to do it. My stomach is aching as I've not had dinner but the mere thought of food is making me feel even worse. My head is spinning with a million thoughts and most are things I don't want to think about. Most are too bloody negative. I don't like that one bit. I don't like being negative. I'd much rather be happy, optimistic. I liked being some one who could see the good in everything. Right now I'm feeling hard-pressed to see the lighter side of the sun. The dark side of the moon is about where I'm at.
I want to talk to some one right now. But I don't think I will. I just don't know if that's a good thing or bad. With my trip only nine or so days away... timing couldn't be any worse. Yeah, it's true... when you love some one you give them the right to hurt you. And right now I'm feeling... hurt, confused and rather lost. It's not like it's something horrific. It's not earth shattering. I'm an adult and I'll work through it just fine. I just don't know what to do because, to be honest, today was the first day I've had my optimism so shredded. I try to see the good in everything because I know there's always good to be had. I try to see the good intentions because I believe that intentions are everything. I can forgive almost anything if I know the intentions were good. I hate seeing people dig into themselves. It reminds me of... me. And I know it's not healthy. It scares me because it's like viewing part of my past and not being able to do a damn thing about it.
But maybe this helpless feeling... maybe this is good. Because right now I really can't do a damn thing. All I can do is stand outside. All I can do is say "You're good enough" and hope that I'm heard. All I can do is wait. And that's what I'm going to do. I'm going to pitch a tent and wait it out because I refuse to do anything less though I wish I could do something more.
So, I'm going to go curl up in my tent and hope I can sleep until the sun comes out again. Before I go, I will share with you a song from CD I almost forgot I had. Her name is Sinead Lohan and she's a wonderful Irish singer/songwriter. This is from her second (and last CD), No Mermaid. The track is titled Don't I Know. Music drives me, feeds me. It makes my soul dance.
Anathema
I'm finding myself feeling restless tonight and it's driving me mad. I'm sure it's not helping that I've just printed out all my flight information from the American Airlines site. Just shy of two hundred twenty for round trip tickets. That means that because of packaging it all together, I an only paying about thirty-thirty per night (and that's with taxes and fees) at the hotel for a seven night stay. Thank you Priceline. I am thoroughly impressed. Maybe that's what's making me restless. Oh well.
Spoke to Free this morning at obscene hours. Poor love, he's finally winding down from everything and I do hope he gets the rest he truly needs. He was too sleepy to keep it up long so I made sure he got off to bed and we agreed that we'd talk tonight.
I've decided that I will no longer celebrate the Easter Bunny, rather the Easter Monkey. What decided this? A cute monkey plushie that I saw at Starbucks in a pile of other bits. I think it's much more amusing. Besides, he's got thumbs to actually help him hand out the eggs. Doesn't that make more sense? Of course it does. You'll help, won't you? Of course you will!
What else? I spent the evening booking a flight for my grandmother to fly out from Fresno to Cedar Rapids at the end of May to go see her sister and her hundred year old aunt. It was pure insanity. She's damn near deaf and is horrid at making decisions. Thankfully, it's booked and all set. I know it sounds strange but I made sure to get her on American because that places her layover at DFW. Give me all the weird looks you want but it makes me feel better that if some thing goes wrong -knock on wood- there is some one I trust closer to their than I can be. But she's all set. Now I get to look up hotels and cab fares tomorrow. Thrilling.
I went up to Los Alamos and picked up my final check. I didn't say a word and for good reason. I don't want to say what I'm thinking as I wish to remain on a better level than them. Simple but honest. From there I went to the bank and cashed the check. I was a woman on a mission. Then mail and Starbucks (yes, it was a chai... >.<).
Next stop? The shelter. I went and saw the malamute mix I had seen on Sunday and had been thinking about since. I had to get her. She needed to come home with me. She even came out to her outside area and put her paws up on the fence when she saw me coming. I took her for a walk and she was great! She's only eleven months old so she's still got a puppy mind-set. She's very smiley, happy and very curious which are all wonderful things. She's taken a great liking for me which is even better. I went in, filled in the paper work and they got things started while I went back to the house to get Allie and Igor. They wanted to make sure everyone would get along. And they did! They all sniffed, wagged and the new pup even play-bowed for Allie. This is going to be fantastic. So... I paid for her and her rabies shot. She will be getting fixed and so I will be picking her up Friday afternoon. I admit that I am very excited about this. I know it seems sudden but when I saw her, I knew I was doing the right thing. I may drop by and see her tomorrow so I can get a photo to share with everyone. I'm working on a name but I think I'm close to something.
What else? Just more cleaning. And that was my day. Isn't it just thrilling? Heh. Anyway, I'm going to go curl up until I hear from Free. Goodnight kids!
Anathema
It's going to be a long day. But things can only get better. At least that's what I am hoping. It really doesn't have much farther down to go from here anyway. Here I sit, typing and being talked at by Squall. Silly little mush.
Tuesday. Went to work as per usual but feeling sullen. The specter of losing Bear was hanging over my head rather heavily. Sitting in the truck, waiting for work, Papa stopped by with the EMR truck. He had news. The matriarch of a family we've been friends with for a long time has been diagnosed as having a brain tumor behind her right eye and it's pushing against her brain. Now, I've got a mixed basket of feelings on this. I want her to get better, don't think I don't. It's just hard to get warm and fuzzy about a woman who gives me harsh looks whenever she sees me. Papa adores her and calls her mom so he's taking it very hard. She and her husband are convinced that it is a curse placed upon her by witches (known as brujas around here) that just happen to be the sisters of her husband. These are very, very, very religious folks and I can respect that. I won't tell them where I am in the theological tree because I don't want to cause any hardships... but. It's hard to listen to people talk about witches being horrible, evil people. I hate the stereotype with a passion and would spend the rest of my life trying to correct it if I could. Oh well. I went to a local church called the Santuario de Chimayo. It's a beautiful place and has a remarkable history. I got some holy water and holy dirt for her and gave them to her a couple days ago.
He left and wasn't sure if he could get Bear into the vets office. I called and asked him, again, to make sure he took her in. Making Bear suffer was making me sick to my stomach. In time, we spoke and he assured me he would take her in. After lunch I cracked. I was in tears about Bear and quietly requested that I be able to leave when my father came to pick up the truck. I was allowed. Four o'clock came along and I had not heard anything nor seen him, so I called. He was all ready off the hill and on his way in. I expressed my disappointment and he agreed that he would wait for us at the clinic. I got my mother and we left as soon as Yvette was back from her break.
It was a heartbreaking experience. Walking in, I saw Papa holding a motionless Bear. As I walked up, he finally cracked and burst into tears. He apologized through the tears, stating that he thought he was strong enough. I hugged him and cried with him. A few moments later, the vet came out and lead us into a room. We all stood with Bear as she lay on her side upon the table.
I'm sorry, I find that even writing about it is making me cry write now. Maybe it's good that these things aren't timed. This is going to take me a while.
I held her head and stroked her. She remained wrapped in towels, hiding the fact that she had pretty much destroyed the outer side of the growth and her front was covered in blood and other... things. We all spoke to her, thanking her. It was quick. Painless. She moved a little bit when she was pricked by the main needle. She was gone very quickly. They left me alone with her. I cried with her and thanked her for being such an amazing dog. I prayed aloud, asking my patronesses to watch over her, guide her to the others. In time, Papa came back in. We cried and eventually walked away, leaving her there. They'll call him when the ashes are ready. I couldn't bury her here, this isn't home.
From there, we went home so that I could change. We then went to the Santuario, only yo find they were not open. Saying goodbye to the horse in the paddock beside the path, we left.
Wednesday. My day off. I had spent all night talking to Free so slept in. Thank you Free, it helped more than you know. I spent the day at home, resting, coughing. I went back up for the Starry Night rehearsal. We had a pretty good time though because we had a new light person to train on the cues, we couldn't goof off as much as we would have liked.
Thursday. Went to work. After about an hour and a half, I was called into the office by an overly cheerful Harold. When I got in, there was Finley and the owner. To make a long story short, they fired me. I have been accused of slander via hear-say and, of all things, this very journal. I know, now, how they found the journal. Fact is, they're probably going to read this. I don't care. I've never said anything that wasn't either fact or items spoken as my opinion. They also sited the fact that I read books and write when I am without a customer. There are no rules against this, especially as I had the reputation amongst customers as being their best cashier. Leaving the office, I was laughing and commented that perhaps it was only coincidence that I'd been reading Animal Farm and 1984. I don't think they got it. Not that I'd think they would.
I returned an hour later to request all the paperwork involving my dismissal and was told by Harold that there was no paperwork nor would my signature be required. I nodded and stated that I would be back for the paperwork. I left. I spent the day wandering and getting a few items from a shop downtown. Was given the number of a gentleman at the labor board.
Friday. Woke up and went down to Santa Fe to pick up some honey to tide the hives over. From there, had breakfast at IHOP. It was okay but nothing to write home about. Stopped by Jackalope and saw the prarie dogs. Needed to stop anyway because my stomach was raging at me like some wild thing. Called the man at the labor board and left a message. Went back to the Santuario. Got holy dirt and holy water. Got home, showered and went to the theater.
Saturday. Had a nice quiet day. Spent time with Papa. Did things around the house. Had breakfast with Papa and ended up selling lots and lots of honey. Good grief that man could be a car salesman. Went to the theater and did our closing night. Went to the after-party and had a great time! Stayed a little past midnight, leaving with an upset Papa. He was fine later though.
Sunday. Relaxed. Cleaned. Bottled Honey. Left U.F.F.D.U.H. because of scheduling conflicts and stress. Was going to go to Albq with Papa to see a group of old friends from the Navy but he went by himself. So I did housework and finally got things done that have been left undone for far too long. Went to the shelter to get a feel for how I'm going to be able to handle a new dog. I must admit, I saw a malamute mix there that I really like. She was sweet. I may call back today and see if she's up for adoption yet. Purchased my tickets for my Texas trip. Yay! I'll be gone from the 17th until the 24th. Yay!
And today? I'm going to finish this, shower, get dressed and get out the door. The man from the labor board called. It sounds like he can help so I'm heading down to Santa Fe to meet with him. So... yeah... that's it. What a week!
Anathema
[Radio Edit]: I almost forgot! I was going to share this:
I know I should have written quite a while ago. I know. I know. To be honest, I've just felt too antsy to just sit here and type. There's been a lot going on and it's been a packed week. I'll try to go day by day.
Monday. Went to the emergency room at the Los Alamos hospital. I was having massive breathing problems. Couldn't take a normal breath without coughing. It was only getting worse. So. Checked in at seven forty that morning. They got me in immediately. I went through a battery of tests and other crap.
At first I was given a breath test. It was low, so they listened to my breathing. Then they took E.K.G. reading. This happened twice because the doctor thought the first reading was a mistake. It was not. The nurse came in and gave me Tylenol 3 with codeine when that was over. I was then given a nebulizer to help me breath. That was a strange sensation and made me feel cold all over. When it was done, they gave me another breath test. This one was scary-low. My heart rate was still high so after they gave me some chest xrays (while still on the hospital bed), they put on a monitoring machine so they could watch my heart rate. It was hitting the triple digits - 121 at it's top - so I was made to just lay there and even sleep if I needed to. The doctor came in and was still worried about my heart so she said that we would get a CAT scan done if they couldn't figure out why it was so high. But first they would take blood to see if that was really even needed. After what seemed like forever, they came back and said my blood was okay. This made me feel a little better as I'd been panicking. I know it's irrational but I always freak out about blood tests since the rape. They let me rest and when my heart rate back into the nineties, they let me go. Just so you know, my heart right is normally in the high fifties. I was diagnosed with bronchitis but was told that since I caught the signs early, I wouldn't have a problem. I got a prescription for Tylenol 3 with codeine, an albuterol inhaler and a three day treatment of antibiotics. It was eleven ten. Went home and slept through most the day, outside of my phone calls with Free.
Tuesday. Did not go to work. Stayed home. Used inhaler on two different occasions when I found that I could not breath. Went batty just sitting in the house. Fed Bear. Played games. Called in to work to let Harold know what was going on. He was an ass and demanded that I bring in a note from my doctor saying I was healthy when I came back on Thursday. Upon telling him that I had gone to the ER and getting a note would be impossible he said that I still had to get one and promptly hung up. Bastard. Stayed up late talking to Free as Tuesday nights are our 'date' nights.
Wednesday. That was my normal day off. Continued to stick around the house. Didn't go to rehearsal as I didn't want to get anyone ill and really wasn't feeling up to it anyway. Woke with a screaming, stomach churning headache. This went away in time but only in the late afternoon. Went to Santa Fe with Papa in the early evening to get new cell phones for the both of us. Much to my chagrin we did a two for one deal. I may go back for the phone I want later. At the moment it is an LG VX8300. It's okay but I'm not a fan of LG. He went to class while I finished the deal. We also picked up blue tooth headsets for each of us. I went to Starbucks to wait for him and in the process, my head started to throb again. On the way home it was so bad that we had to pull over because I felt as though I would throw up. I'd never had a migraine so bad in my life.
Thursday. Went to work. Didn't feel as good as I should have. It was an uneventful day all in all. Harold never said a thing to me about the doctors. It's just as well, he had no grounds to be such a shit about it on Tuesday and I think he knew it.
Friday. Work. Yes, isn't my life exciting? Still didn't feel good. Molly almost had something thrown at her by me. I stated that I liked the cold and she said "Well, I didn't mind the cold either when I was overweight." Bitch. Overweight, my ass. I'm still in better shape than her. Ggggrrrrr. Had a performance so I went straight from work to the theater. Had a problem backstage. Used the inhaler because I like to breath. Big mistake, my heart rate started to soar. After the performance, Manny grabbed my arm, walked me off stage and straight to my father. He insisted I go home and rest. I did just that outside of a brief phone call in the early am from Free.
Saturday. Felt a little better. Went to work. Wanted to beat the ever-loving shit out of Molly for her rude comments. Explained situation to both Yuri and Yvette later. Went to the theater. Backstage I was introduced to Evie's son. Oh. My. Gods. The man is gorgeous! Just because of that, I almost stayed for the after-party. I couldn't stay. Damn. Oh well. The performance went well outside of a couple minor glitches. Went home and called it a night.
Sunday. Slept in. Tried to anyway. My father came in, woke me up and announced that Bear wasn't eating, wasn't walking well and we could assume that she wouldn't last. Great. What a way to wake up. Needless to say, I spent most of my day crying. Even thinking about this is making my eyes water. I've made a decision though: Bear will be going in this week. Papa will be taking care of the details because I know I cannot. But I cannot allow her to continue suffering. Thankfully I am talking to Free while I'm typing so it's really helping me. I went to Blockbuster and picked up a few movies - Aeon Flux, Superman Returns & Man of the Year. Also went to Wal-hell. Ick.
So... I'm going to go curl up in bed and continue talking to Free. My stomach is churning but that's to be expected, though Free is really helping me feel better by taking my mind off of the Bear issue. Goodnight kids!
Anathema
I need to post this:
"I really do believe that all of you are at the beginning of a wonderful journey. As you start traveling down that road of life, remember this: There are never enough comfort stops. The places you're going to are never on the map. And once you get that map out, you won't be able to refold it no matter how smart you are. So forget the map, roll down the windows, and whenever you can, pull over and have a picnic with a pig. And if you can help it, never fly as cargo."
- Kermit (the frog, the genius)
And for you M*A*S*H fans:
"Ladies and gentlemen, take my advice. Pull down your pants and slide on the ice."
If you remember nothing else, remember this: No matter what life throws at you, embrace it. It makes us stronger human beings. Never fear tomorrow and never waste time on regretting yesterday or you won't have any tomorrows to worry about anyway. Go dance in the rain and enjoy the storm. Forgive, love, and be gentle with yourself. Because, like it or not, you are loved and I won't put up with anyone hurting the ones I love.
There is an album I need to go get. It's called "For The Kids" and it was released in 2002. I want it for one song. This:
Anathema
