4 posts tagged “bad day”
I'm finding myself on edge tonight. Not just any edge but something razor sharp. I've been running in circles all day, only to have what I do cast aside like it was nothing. But this has been going on since last night so I don't know why it's finally gotten me so very wound up tonight.
Yesterday, while trying to install Dreamweaver, I recieved a phone from a neighbor. Not just any neighbor but the one who has been giving us all the problems. He asked for my father and I politely stated that he was not available and asked if he'd like to leave a message. He started telling me how he was going to cut the lines to the well and he started asking me to do this that and the other. I have given my father the reigns in this issue so I stated that I would tell my father that he called and that I wished to remain out of the situation. He started to become belligerent at which time I politely restated myself and hung up.
My stomach had been bothering me all day, I'd spent the day on the phone calling the labor board, trench diggers, farmer's market people and occasionally finding myself otherwise indisposed for lengthy periods of time. By that point in evening, I was in no mood for games. That was just before seven. So... I called my father on both his cells as well as paging him. No answer. He had stated last month that he was going to get an extension on the restraining order as the city sat on our permit for three months before issuing it. I needed to find out if this was true or not.
He finally called an hour and a half after the last page. It was around nine. I asked him if he had gotten the extension but he stated that we had not needed it. This was news to me. The original restraining order protecting the well expired on the twenty third. The water line (the line that goes three feet onto the property from the main waterline and has to be dug by the city) was not yet dug at that time. I was livid. I asked him why he didn't do it anyway, just to be safe. He didn't answer. He just got angry and hung up.
He got home and a fight ensued. I was angry that he'd wrapped himself up so much in his classes that he was forgetting everything else. I was angry that he was trying to put the blame for the situation on everyone else. He was growling about the neighbor being an ass and that he was just trying to cause problems. The man had called to give fair warning. We fucked up. Had I known that my father had not gotten the extension, I would have done everything in my power while in Texas to get the ball rolling. He is well within his rights to cut the waterlines. And I was angry that we'd been placed in such a horrid position via his refusal to pay attention to what was going on.
We had to go to Lowe's a look for some piping that we'll need to get the water situation handled. So we got there with minimal time to spare. He gave the man the wrong information and caused a bit of a problem,
Then came dinner. He didn't eat a thing and my stomach, that I thought to be on the mend, lurched and returned to it's prior state of discomfort. Thank goodness for Free, else I would have had an awful night.
Speaking of which... I'm going to pause and talk to Free.
Well, I felt better. Then my father had to go fuck it up. Damn it. But I'll get to that.
Today. Left a message for the neighbor, explaining the situation. I had previously asked my father to simply not speak to him for fear he'll piss him off and make matters worse. He seems to agree with my request thus far. I got two people lined up to help us dig. One for Friday and a second for Monday if the first doesn't arrive. I've also been calling the labor board about some issues and I got started on a design for the business site.
Then. Not enough change was picked up for tomorrow. Our sign has been loaned out to the small business that sells our honey. As well as some of the other things I need. I also found out that the book in which I kept all the accounting information for the market is missing as well. Damn it. I was able to go to Wal-mart and pick up a new table cloth, some paper bags but nothing I needed for the sign was there. I also snagged some sixty dollars in fives at the register with the cash back option. I politely asked if he could spare fives and he was able to give me the whole sixty in fives. Upon walking out, I was given shit for using my feminine wiles. I hate that. Gggrrrr.
After I got back, we packed up the truck and I settled into the office to get some more work done and download some graphics I need. This is when Free called. Yay! So, spoke to him and felt better. It's wonderful what a phone call can do.
I ended the phone call a little earlier than I wanted to when my father appeared and started grumping. Damn. So, I spoke to him and expressed my frustrations. I told him how his ease to anger about everything recently has been bothering me and how it's not helping this situation. I kept a very level voice. Even when he blew me off and said he was listening to me. My response? "No. You're hearing me but not listening." I shook my head and walked out.
So now I'm talking to Vance about his date the other night. I was talking to Daemon as well but he's gone quiet. It's nice to have conversation to busy my mind. But I should be off to bed. I've got some more 1984 to read. Goodnight kids!
Anathema
Here I sit in my silk ritual robe because my terry-clothe bathrobe has finally died. I've tried to go to bed who knows how many times but I can't seem to do it. My stomach is aching as I've not had dinner but the mere thought of food is making me feel even worse. My head is spinning with a million thoughts and most are things I don't want to think about. Most are too bloody negative. I don't like that one bit. I don't like being negative. I'd much rather be happy, optimistic. I liked being some one who could see the good in everything. Right now I'm feeling hard-pressed to see the lighter side of the sun. The dark side of the moon is about where I'm at.
I want to talk to some one right now. But I don't think I will. I just don't know if that's a good thing or bad. With my trip only nine or so days away... timing couldn't be any worse. Yeah, it's true... when you love some one you give them the right to hurt you. And right now I'm feeling... hurt, confused and rather lost. It's not like it's something horrific. It's not earth shattering. I'm an adult and I'll work through it just fine. I just don't know what to do because, to be honest, today was the first day I've had my optimism so shredded. I try to see the good in everything because I know there's always good to be had. I try to see the good intentions because I believe that intentions are everything. I can forgive almost anything if I know the intentions were good. I hate seeing people dig into themselves. It reminds me of... me. And I know it's not healthy. It scares me because it's like viewing part of my past and not being able to do a damn thing about it.
But maybe this helpless feeling... maybe this is good. Because right now I really can't do a damn thing. All I can do is stand outside. All I can do is say "You're good enough" and hope that I'm heard. All I can do is wait. And that's what I'm going to do. I'm going to pitch a tent and wait it out because I refuse to do anything less though I wish I could do something more.
So, I'm going to go curl up in my tent and hope I can sleep until the sun comes out again. Before I go, I will share with you a song from CD I almost forgot I had. Her name is Sinead Lohan and she's a wonderful Irish singer/songwriter. This is from her second (and last CD), No Mermaid. The track is titled Don't I Know. Music drives me, feeds me. It makes my soul dance.
Anathema
It's going to be a long day. But things can only get better. At least that's what I am hoping. It really doesn't have much farther down to go from here anyway. Here I sit, typing and being talked at by Squall. Silly little mush.
Tuesday. Went to work as per usual but feeling sullen. The specter of losing Bear was hanging over my head rather heavily. Sitting in the truck, waiting for work, Papa stopped by with the EMR truck. He had news. The matriarch of a family we've been friends with for a long time has been diagnosed as having a brain tumor behind her right eye and it's pushing against her brain. Now, I've got a mixed basket of feelings on this. I want her to get better, don't think I don't. It's just hard to get warm and fuzzy about a woman who gives me harsh looks whenever she sees me. Papa adores her and calls her mom so he's taking it very hard. She and her husband are convinced that it is a curse placed upon her by witches (known as brujas around here) that just happen to be the sisters of her husband. These are very, very, very religious folks and I can respect that. I won't tell them where I am in the theological tree because I don't want to cause any hardships... but. It's hard to listen to people talk about witches being horrible, evil people. I hate the stereotype with a passion and would spend the rest of my life trying to correct it if I could. Oh well. I went to a local church called the Santuario de Chimayo. It's a beautiful place and has a remarkable history. I got some holy water and holy dirt for her and gave them to her a couple days ago.
He left and wasn't sure if he could get Bear into the vets office. I called and asked him, again, to make sure he took her in. Making Bear suffer was making me sick to my stomach. In time, we spoke and he assured me he would take her in. After lunch I cracked. I was in tears about Bear and quietly requested that I be able to leave when my father came to pick up the truck. I was allowed. Four o'clock came along and I had not heard anything nor seen him, so I called. He was all ready off the hill and on his way in. I expressed my disappointment and he agreed that he would wait for us at the clinic. I got my mother and we left as soon as Yvette was back from her break.
It was a heartbreaking experience. Walking in, I saw Papa holding a motionless Bear. As I walked up, he finally cracked and burst into tears. He apologized through the tears, stating that he thought he was strong enough. I hugged him and cried with him. A few moments later, the vet came out and lead us into a room. We all stood with Bear as she lay on her side upon the table.
I'm sorry, I find that even writing about it is making me cry write now. Maybe it's good that these things aren't timed. This is going to take me a while.
I held her head and stroked her. She remained wrapped in towels, hiding the fact that she had pretty much destroyed the outer side of the growth and her front was covered in blood and other... things. We all spoke to her, thanking her. It was quick. Painless. She moved a little bit when she was pricked by the main needle. She was gone very quickly. They left me alone with her. I cried with her and thanked her for being such an amazing dog. I prayed aloud, asking my patronesses to watch over her, guide her to the others. In time, Papa came back in. We cried and eventually walked away, leaving her there. They'll call him when the ashes are ready. I couldn't bury her here, this isn't home.
From there, we went home so that I could change. We then went to the Santuario, only yo find they were not open. Saying goodbye to the horse in the paddock beside the path, we left.
Wednesday. My day off. I had spent all night talking to Free so slept in. Thank you Free, it helped more than you know. I spent the day at home, resting, coughing. I went back up for the Starry Night rehearsal. We had a pretty good time though because we had a new light person to train on the cues, we couldn't goof off as much as we would have liked.
Thursday. Went to work. After about an hour and a half, I was called into the office by an overly cheerful Harold. When I got in, there was Finley and the owner. To make a long story short, they fired me. I have been accused of slander via hear-say and, of all things, this very journal. I know, now, how they found the journal. Fact is, they're probably going to read this. I don't care. I've never said anything that wasn't either fact or items spoken as my opinion. They also sited the fact that I read books and write when I am without a customer. There are no rules against this, especially as I had the reputation amongst customers as being their best cashier. Leaving the office, I was laughing and commented that perhaps it was only coincidence that I'd been reading Animal Farm and 1984. I don't think they got it. Not that I'd think they would.
I returned an hour later to request all the paperwork involving my dismissal and was told by Harold that there was no paperwork nor would my signature be required. I nodded and stated that I would be back for the paperwork. I left. I spent the day wandering and getting a few items from a shop downtown. Was given the number of a gentleman at the labor board.
Friday. Woke up and went down to Santa Fe to pick up some honey to tide the hives over. From there, had breakfast at IHOP. It was okay but nothing to write home about. Stopped by Jackalope and saw the prarie dogs. Needed to stop anyway because my stomach was raging at me like some wild thing. Called the man at the labor board and left a message. Went back to the Santuario. Got holy dirt and holy water. Got home, showered and went to the theater.
Saturday. Had a nice quiet day. Spent time with Papa. Did things around the house. Had breakfast with Papa and ended up selling lots and lots of honey. Good grief that man could be a car salesman. Went to the theater and did our closing night. Went to the after-party and had a great time! Stayed a little past midnight, leaving with an upset Papa. He was fine later though.
Sunday. Relaxed. Cleaned. Bottled Honey. Left U.F.F.D.U.H. because of scheduling conflicts and stress. Was going to go to Albq with Papa to see a group of old friends from the Navy but he went by himself. So I did housework and finally got things done that have been left undone for far too long. Went to the shelter to get a feel for how I'm going to be able to handle a new dog. I must admit, I saw a malamute mix there that I really like. She was sweet. I may call back today and see if she's up for adoption yet. Purchased my tickets for my Texas trip. Yay! I'll be gone from the 17th until the 24th. Yay!
And today? I'm going to finish this, shower, get dressed and get out the door. The man from the labor board called. It sounds like he can help so I'm heading down to Santa Fe to meet with him. So... yeah... that's it. What a week!
Anathema
[Radio Edit]: I almost forgot! I was going to share this:
I am finding myself in a exceedingly foul mood tonight. Almost nothing has gone to plan. Work has worn me thin. My father has pushed every button I have. The package that I sent didn't get to Free because stupid me forgot that insuring a package requires the person receiving it to sign for it. My neck is hurting like a (place horridly descriptive phrase here). I couldn't even get my bloody breakfast because apparently a single bagel and cream cheese was just too much for the local bagel shop to handle. I later sent a coworker back for it as I had already paid for it. Oh... and to top it off, a creepy guy, while I was waiting in line at Starbucks, kept looking at me as though he was undressing me. I wanted to scream.
The only things that did work out was my quest to make reservations for AACTFest and sending out my registration for the event itself.
Fuck it. I am going to bed. I'm going to curl up with The Plague, the cats and all my comfy bedding. So, call if you'd like but I just need to curl up and feel warm in my bed right now as I am feeling painfully tired and cold in every way possible and ways previously unknown to man.
Goodnight kids...
Anathema
[Radio Edit]: Oh can it get any better? I just realized I missed my chance to talk to Free tonight because my fucking phone is shutting itself off. I didn't realize I missed his call until I went to go set my alarm. Low and behold... I missed his call. Oh I am so going to bed. This just can't get any worse. I really can't handle everything going like this in one day. >.<
