Hierophantria

I wish there was a way to put a big red sash across my page saying that I was on a hiatus. That would make things so very much easier, ne? Well, either way that's how it's going to be for a while. Each year I take some time out just for me to find a balance. It's a saving grace and has kept my bio-polar disorder at bay for four years now.

Lately I've been running from one end to the other without much success to speak of. I've got emails at OKC that I keep telling myself I'll answer. I've got emails at my gmail account I need to answer. I've got a business website for my family apiary that I need to work on. I've got the accounts I need to update. I've got this poor ignored that I've not updated in ages. Yet at the moment, I feel almost overwhelmed by all of this. It reminds me of my car wrecks. And like the first one, I am getting out to take a deep breath and clear the air.

One: Free is on a vacation/road trip with his primary. While I miss him horribly, I know this is a good thing for everyone. They have time together that they need and I have time to get some sleep (okay, I admit it... I haven't gotten shit for sleep since his trip started), get some cleaning done as well as write. I've got a lot of thoughts running through my mind and I need to find a way to get it all down.

Two: My bedroom is a disaster. I've been pulling things out of every box, drawer and what-have-you to get all the useless rat-packed bullshit out. I've even set aside a few things to sell on Ebay (look for anathema.untamed). I also need to move my furniture. That and I am hoping to raise enough funds to get a VIP ticket for the Bernadette Peters concert on September first. The tickets are about two fifty and I don't really want to use any of my normal funds to do this.

Three: The office is looking a bit messy again. It won't take but an hour but I need to just buckle down and do it.

Four: My bathroom. I've been pricing new vanities and the like so, hopefully, in the next week or two I'll be starting to renovate my tiny bathroom into something more livable. I need to clean out this room as well and get rid of all the shampoos that wrecked my hair. Note: Pantene kills my hair. Bastards.

And there's still so much. I need to start my weekly hikes come hell or high water. I need to start (continue, really) eating better so I can get myself back down to a comfortable weight. Most say I'm not overweight and that it's just muscle. Well, most of it is but not all. It's not like I'm looking to lose some crazed amount, only about ten pounds or so.

So here I go. I'll be back in a week or so probably more. To anyone awaiting emails of any kind... sorry. It's not that I'm a bitch. I've just been overwhelmed by life. I'll be back when when I'm walking this tightrope a little better.

Anathema

Hey kids. Just want to let you all know that I'm alive. A lot has been going on and, to be honest, I've been far too restless to sit in front of a computer for long. So... here's this: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KkbG1PfAgrY I'll embed it once YouTube gets the thing in its index.

Anathema

Well, it's pretty busy here and while I finally have something to write about (okay, lots of somethings to write about), I've not much time. So. I'm going to share an article from the Santa Fe Reporter and the letter I wrote to the editor in response And yes, my letter got published. Yay. The article can be found here. My response was the following:

LIVING IN FEAR?

Upon reading “Wi-Fried” [Outtakes, May 16], I was caught somewhere between giggling and disappointment. Every new piece of technology that mankind attaches itself to is always going to be lambasted by reactionary outbursts. That doesn’t mean, however, that it never stops being ridiculous each and every time. Televisions, microwaves, computers, cell phones and even the automobile were subject to an uneducated outcry.

So, do we run screaming one way or another? Here’s a novel idea: Why not check up on all the studies? Why not wait until they come out and then maybe we’ll know one way or another. How about we find something moderate to sit with before we start screaming that everything is going to kill us?

Before I sit and spend God knows how much time listening to someone tell me that something is good or bad for me, I want to know just what their educational background is so maybe I have a fighting chance to get unbiased information. Does this man, Firstenberg, have the knowledge to back himself up or is it merely overblown concern and conspiracy theories?

(Enter Real Name Here)
(Enter City Here)

I must say, I was rather amused my letter made it in. Anyway, I've got an early morning so I'm going to go shower. G'night kids! Maybe one day I'll sit down long enough to get a real entry up.

Anathema

I've got to dart here in a little bit to head out to the market but I wanted to peek in and say I'm alive. I'm slowly catching up on everything net-wise. At the moment, I'm scanning through CNN news online. I came across this article. Yeah, I admit it... I want the son of a bitch to go. Anyone who would do something so horrendous to a child just makes me sick. That poor girl. Then, of course, there's the case of the man who microwaved his infant. And the wife? She wants him and the child back. What is going on in this world? A man in San Francisco bit off his wife's lower lip after she called him short. And that's simply how he justifies it. A man in New York has been arrested for being, well, a fake veterinarian and operating upon at least fifteen different animals. Maybe the world has always been host to such violence and cruelty but shouldn't we, at a certain point, be able to stand up and say enough is a enough?

Hm. Anyway, I'm heading to the market. Bye kids!

Anathema

Because I'm a slacker...

Yeah. I'm a slacker. Well, a busy slacker. I'm sure you all understand that some times I simply have too many priorities to attend to and by the time I can post... well... I'm too worn to think. I'm going to try and post something tomorrow if given a chance. You wouldn't believe the mountain of paperwork sitting beside the computer right now.

However... I wanted to share photos of my little stalker toad. Last Saturday morning, before six, this guy appeared in my garage, scratching at the door to get inside the house. Kinda creepy. After staring at him through the slight cracked doorway, I talked my father into taking him outside. I would have done so but I wasn't wearing shoes nor was I awake enough to think that well.

Tonight, while eating dinner, I heard Lilly barking.She's not a dog that barks unless something is wrong so I took a look. She was barking in the weeds under the cherry trees. Thinking this strange, I grabbed a flashlight, got someshoes on:

... and went outside to see what she had found. At first I'm thinking she may have a snake and of course I'm thinking how damn stupid this is for me to be looking for it if such is the case. And then I see it. The toad. I grabbed her and called for my father. I needed him to catch it while I held Lilly.

So, once caught we put him in the old ten gallon aquarium for safe-keeping. After looking up stuff, I discovered that he is a red-spotted toad and not toxis like almost every other kind of toad. Tomorrow I am going to find a home for him away from the house. Here are some photos I took of him:

Well, I'm off kids. I'm tired so I'm going to go curl up in bed while I wait to hear from Free.

Anathema

Because I should have posted this last night. But Youtube is a bitch when it comes to indexing things.

Well, I'm going to go finish reading the article in the New Yorker about Barack Obama. It's interesting and giving me lots of things to think about. Then I may go with my father to his dance class so I also need to jump in the shower. One of his dance instructors, Teresa, learned yesterday that she is the Santa Fe Fiesta Queen for 2007. I'm so happy for her! I'll post links when I can find stuff posted for this year.

The sad little audiophile that I am, I am finding myself in tears listening to, of all things, some Disney songs. I was listening to my personalized jazz station over at Pandora (the link is to your right) when I heard the most amazing version of 'When You Wish Upon a Star". I had to find it. So I did. Then I listened to the rest of the album. The song that got me? Baby Mine. I'm not even a big fan of Dumbo but the song is heartbreakingly sweet.

Let me give you a quick breakdown of my day and then I want you to go look at my audio files here and listen to the four songs I've just posted. They are: When You Wish Upon a Star, A Wish is a Dream Your Heart Makes, Once Upon a Dream & Baby Mine. I know I can't be the only one who cries during Baby Mine. The song makes me want to learn a basic waltz so I can dance to it with my father. Okay! Enough being emotional!

We are now on city water. Yay! I missed having good water pressure. We ran errands in Santa Fe. I picked up a few things from Whole Foods, including some rice milk. Speaking of which, I think I'll grab some. Ah, much better. I tried having a mocha today, with a dose of lactaid. It only helped a little. My stomach still felt like it was swimming. Anyway, what else? Not much. Just getting lots of stuff done and sorting through lots of paperwork. Thrilling.

When I got home the winds were just screaming through. The back gate was open and Lilly was out beside the drive way. I was so proud of her for staying home; it was great!  The other two were blocked in by big black bags full of tumbleweeds that had fallen in front of the gate as neither of the others - Allie & Igor - are jumpers. So, taking advantage of this, I worked with Lilly a little bit on off-leash training. The dog is exceptionally smart and she's retaining a lot of what I've taught her thus far.

And of course I talked to Free for a while. Poor darling, I wish I knew what to do other than worrying about him. He just seems so.. well... stretched thin. I do hope he takes some time for himself, he needs it. That gives me an idea. But anyway. We had a great talk while he drove to his primary's house so I can only hope it helped a little.

I'm a very tired little thing so I think I will haul myself to bed. My sunburn is still tender so this should be a trick. Oh well. Goodnight kids.

Anathema

I finally figured out why my stomach is causing me so many issues. It's doing it again. The common thread? Milk. Milk has been making me absolutely sick to my stomach. This new development is horrifying. I like milk. I love ice cream. I adore cheese. But every time I've had a milk product this week... I've been absolutely sick. I hope to gods that this passes. I didn't have any until dinner and within twenty minutes - possibly less - I felt awful. Since then, my insides have been raging and I've been spending waaay too much time in the restroom. Nooo!!! *insert childish whining, crying and pouting here*

To make matters worse, I managed to get a fierce sunburn on my shoulders after perhaps only an hour, cumulatively, in the sun. Lovely. They're almost glowing, they're so red. My nose is a light cherry color but not enough for me to be bothered by it. The bright side to this, aside from the luminous warmth of the burns, is that the trench got dug today. The main body of the supply line was buried and so tomorrow, after we make sure all the fittings are secure, we will be on city water. Yay! No more water issues. I hope.

Oh and I had a dandy start to the day. I awoke with the most horrendous sensation known to woman aside from childbirth. And guys, this will make you twitch. This will fall under the TMI category. I awoke with the worst possible pain from a yeast infection. Damn it all. However, it is now under control. I've had more of these damn things since I've been on the shot then I ever got while on the pill. Fuck this. I'm going back to the pill.

Aside from all this, I've been doing paperwork all day. And it's all stuff for the business. There's a lot and I'm not anywhere near being caught up yet. Oh well. I was so wrapped up that I haven't done a thing with the computer beyond typing this and working with Microsoft Money all day. I'll fool around with email tomorrow. I hope.

Just spoke with Free and that makes me feel a bit better, as always. We both seemed to have an extraordinarily busy day today and it's wonderful to curl up and take refuge in his voice and words after the mess of a day is said and done. It's a comfort like nothing else. I can only hope that things will calm down for both of us. It sounds like he will be having a great night tomorrow and I'm thrilled to hear it. I.. well... who knows what will be happening. I never can tell anymore.

So, I'm going to finish talking with Vance and call it a night. Oh! You know, I've mentioned Vance before and I should probably tell you who he is. Vance is a dear friend of mine in Los Angeles. I met him over on OKC a while ago and so we talk on AIM quite a bit. He's a great friend and one of my favorite people to flirt with. He's been having a shit time on the dating scene so I've been commiserating with him and trying to offer what help I can.

Well, g'night kids!

Anathema

I'm finding myself on edge tonight. Not just any edge but something razor sharp. I've been running in circles all day, only to have what I do cast aside like it was nothing. But this has been going on since last night so I don't know why it's finally gotten me so very wound up tonight.

Yesterday, while trying to install Dreamweaver, I recieved a phone from a neighbor. Not just any neighbor but the one who has been giving us all the problems. He asked for my father and I politely stated that he was not available and asked if he'd like to leave a message. He started telling me how he was going to cut the lines to the well and he started asking me to do this that and the other. I have given my father the reigns in this issue so I stated that I would tell my father that he called and that I wished to remain out of the situation. He started to become belligerent at which time I politely restated myself and hung up.

My stomach had been bothering me all day, I'd spent the day on the phone calling the labor board, trench diggers, farmer's market people and occasionally finding myself otherwise indisposed for lengthy periods of time. By that point in evening, I was in no mood for games. That was just before seven. So... I called my father on both his cells as well as paging him. No answer. He had stated last month that he was going to get an extension on the restraining order as the city sat on our permit for three months before issuing it. I needed to find out if this was true or not.

He finally called an hour and a half after the last page. It was around nine. I asked him if he had gotten the extension but he stated that we had not needed it. This was news to me. The original restraining order protecting the well expired on the twenty third. The water line (the line that goes three feet onto the property from the main waterline and has to be dug by the city) was not yet dug at that time. I was livid. I asked him why he didn't do it anyway, just to be safe. He didn't answer. He just got angry and hung up.

He got home and a fight ensued. I was angry that he'd wrapped himself up so much in his classes that he was forgetting everything else. I was angry that he was trying to put the blame for the situation on everyone else. He was growling about the neighbor being an ass and that he was just trying to cause problems. The man had called to give fair warning. We fucked up. Had I known that my father had not gotten the extension, I would have done everything in my power while in Texas to get the ball rolling. He is well within his rights to cut the waterlines. And I was angry that we'd been placed in such a horrid position via his refusal to pay attention to what was going on.

We had to go to Lowe's a look for some piping that we'll need to get the water situation handled. So we got there with minimal time to spare. He gave the man the wrong information and caused a bit of a problem,

Then came dinner. He didn't eat a thing and my stomach, that I thought to be on the mend, lurched and returned to it's prior state of discomfort. Thank goodness for Free, else I would have had an awful night.

Speaking of which... I'm going to pause and talk to Free.

Well, I felt better. Then my father had to go fuck it up. Damn it. But I'll get to that.

Today. Left a message for the neighbor, explaining the situation. I had previously asked my father to simply not speak to him for fear he'll piss him off and make matters worse. He seems to agree with my request thus far. I got two people lined up to help us dig. One for Friday and a second for Monday if the first doesn't arrive. I've also been calling the labor board about some issues and I got started on a design for the business site.

Then. Not enough change was picked up for tomorrow. Our sign has been loaned out to the small business that sells our honey. As well as some of the other things I need. I also found out that the book in which I kept all the accounting information for the market is missing as well. Damn it. I was able to go to Wal-mart and pick up a new table cloth, some paper bags but nothing I needed for the sign was there. I also snagged some sixty dollars in fives at the register with the cash back option. I politely asked if he could spare fives and he was able to give me the whole sixty in fives. Upon walking out, I was given shit for using my feminine wiles. I hate that. Gggrrrr.

After I got back, we packed up the truck and I settled into the office to get some more work done and download some graphics I need. This is when Free called. Yay! So, spoke to him and felt better. It's wonderful what a phone call can do.

I ended the phone call a little earlier than I wanted to when my father appeared and started grumping. Damn. So, I spoke to him and expressed my frustrations. I told him how his ease to anger about everything recently has been bothering me and how it's not helping this situation. I kept a very level voice. Even when he blew me off and said he was listening to me. My response? "No. You're hearing me but not listening." I shook my head and walked out.

So now I'm talking to Vance about his date the other night. I was talking to Daemon as well but he's gone quiet. It's nice to have conversation to busy my mind. But I should be off to bed. I've got some more 1984 to read. Goodnight kids!

Anathema